WHEREIN MY ATTEMPT TO AVOID WITNESSING THE FINAL BIT OF FRANCE RIDUCULOSITY ENDS IN COMPLETE AND ABJECT FAILURE

[Look at that little half-grin he's got on.

That, my friends, is a face begging to be punched.]

Due to life incessantly getting in the way of dedicating my entire existence to the World Cup (funny how that happens), I've not been able to watch the whole France/South Africa match yet. I wasn't so lucky, however, to fully escape the final act of the Shakespearean play France is putting on over in South Africa. As the highlights were being inflicted on a half-empty bar patio midway through my morning, I happened to be passing by. Wrong place, wrong time. The mental effort that was gathered to coax myself into avoiding having my day spoiled by sitting down to watch France's formality of a final group match today was expansive. I'd resolved to wait to watch the match when I got home tonight where I could sulk, groan and shout at my television undisturbed. Sometimes you just need those ninety minutes to yourself; to exorcise your angry-and-disappointed-supporter demons away from the view of, er, normal people.

But here's the main thing to understand about actively trying not to watch your side play at any point during the world cup: it's viscerally impossible. The patio's television screens seemed to pop up out of no where and they flickered brightly with the impending doom of it all. They were irresistible. While the commentators were setting up the first clip of the highlight reel, the loudest thought on loop over and over in my head was 'WALK AWAY! WALK AWAY NOW!' It was like a car accident and I was that annoying jerk that cranes her head out the window to slow down and scope out the full extent of the crash -- truly awful.

Now, if you'll excuse me I'm off for another evening of piecing together any semblance of motivation to truly give a sh*t about the rest of this tournament**. Yes, and to actually watch the rest of the South Africa game.

**Oh, I get to be a bit dramatic today okay? Relax Spain, I'll still be around to root on your eventual collapse. I'm devoted to the cause.